It takes only one degree from 99 degrees to reach the boiling point. At that point, everything sizzles.

What are the extra truths and extra efforts you need to increase friendship in marriage? (fun, enjoyment, companionship, etc)

Malcom Gladwell, in his book The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference, tells us ….. tipping point are “the levels at which the momentum for change becomes unstoppable.” Gladwell defines a tipping point as: “the moment of critical mass, the threshold, the boiling point.

Song 2:15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

Many times it is the little things that we do and we don’t do that makes the difference in our marriage. In business, we are expected to meet the expectations of our clients thus bringing customer satisfaction. But if we give or do things beyond the normal expectations, then this will bring customer WOW! Thus, resulting in customer loyalty.

How about in marriage? What are the little efforts that we can do to increase the heat (to 100 degrees maybe?):

Here’s a few examples:

1. Make time for emotional connection.
Your spouse is more important than your children (in the food chain).

Invest a little time each day just thinking about your spouse. Pour into your marriage the same as you pour into other areas of your life you are passionate about.

2.  Hang out together.

Plan an outing that the two of you will enjoy as a couple. Plan a date and go some place fun. Stay up late and watch an old movie together. Go to a concert.

Run errands together on Saturdays, meet for a lunch date once in a while, even just take a walk around the block. What Shirley and I do (for the past 19 years) is to do grocery together. I get to choose my junk food.

3. 

Laugh.

This is key. Don’t take everything so seriously. The world would say being married with the same spouse for almost 20 years could be drab. But laughter can put spice and sparks in marriage.

Prov. 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

4. Show affection.

Hold hands, kiss passionately (not just smack), hug more than just before you walk out the door, snuggle on the couch. Studies show that men who kiss their wives everyday before going to work live five years longer than those who don’t. Go and add 5 years to your life.

5. Get Away From it All

Get out, put all your cares away for a few hours, and enjoy each other.  Plan your dream vacation.

How about you? How can you add an extra degree to your marriage?

To my beautiful wife Shirley who celebrated her birthday today:

You are God’s greatest gift to me and our children. You continued to inspire and encourage me in our 19 years of marriage. We have been through a lot as a family. We had times of laughter and times of weeping; times of abundance and times of lack; times of sickness and times of health; times of blessings and times of testing; finding new friends and some even falling out; success or even failure. But whatever we have gone through in life, you stood here by my side. You help bring focus in my life, family and ministry.

Thank you for being a great wife, a loving mom, a loyal friend, a partner in ministry. I have truly received a beautiful favor from God through you.

Prov. 18:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

A short acronym that describes her:

S- supportive, strength of character

H- opeful, happy

I-  nner beauty

R- espectful

L- oyal and loving

E- ncourager

Y- outhful

Happy birthday! I love you so much! Looking forward to the many more years that we will spend together.

What you honor, you value.  And what you value, you prioritize.

Eph. 5:22  ¶     Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Eph. 5:25  ¶     Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Some of the ways that we can honor our spouse and help boost our marriages are:

•    Everyday you need to listen to the most important voice in heaven. Likewise, we need to listen to the most important voice on earth – your spouse.
•   Meet your spouse’s needs. Don’t just look at your needs.
•    Have a regular date night. Many of the conflicts can be avoided when you have a consistent time together just to bond.
•    Engage in meaningful conversation – one that has emotional connection. This requires talking and listening (on both sides).

•    Respect your spouse’s opinion. You don’t monopolize all the world’s wisdom.
•    Say “I love you” at least three times a day. No, its not a title to a movie but it’s one good habit that we need to have.
•    Kiss passionately. Yup! You heard me right. It bonds you almost instantaneously. Medical science gives several benefits of kissing. It releases tension. It aids in weight loss. It slows the aging process. It increases fitness. It boosts self-esteem. And it prevents tooth decay (I think you have to do it with brushing.) Just to name a few.
•    Have sex regularly. I’d rather not elaborate on this one.

A good, no, a great marriage not only honors God but is also the most precious gift that you can give your children.

Eccl. 7:1 A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth.

Solomon said that death is better than birth because death is the summation of a person’s life. What will people say about us when we are finally lying down in our casket?  What would you like them to say about you? The words spoken are dependent on how you live your life NOW and how you will nurture the relationships that you have.

While I agree that words of honor should be said about a person when he is dead to summarize his life’s accomplishments and celebrate the relationships that he made. We need to take the time to honor our loved ones while they are still alive.  Let them hear how much we love and appreciate them.

Do not wait until they are dead before you say those beautiful speeches.

Say it while they can hear it.

In contrast, a wedding is an ocassion where the couple openly say what they feel for each other.

I like going to  weddings. It’s a celebration of a couple’s love for each other.

Tonight, I am officiating a renewal of vows ceremony for a couple in church. They have been married for 25 years.  They will be expressing their commitment to one another. And they will do it publicly before friends and family. They will say how much they love and appreciate each other and will make a promise that they will be faithful to the other until the very end.

Of course, words of affirmation should not just be said during the wedding ceremony but should be a regular part of the married life.

1Th. 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

What’s the difference between school and life?

In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test.

In life, you’re given a test that teaches a lesson. – Tom Bodette

One of the most difficult lessons in life is how to accept loss. – Kerry & Chris Shook

Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.

We cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy. – Tim Hansel

These are just some of the sayings that I read and found true in my life.  And with these I would like to add the top 2 lessons I have learned so far in life:

1.  We can take on anything that happens in life as long as we are in unity.

Unity does not come easy.  In marriage, we need to constantly fight for it.  We strive to live by it.  We nurture it.  And we guard it.  Aside from passion and purpose, peace is a fuel that keep us going where God has destined us as a family.

There are millions of reasons and ways to ruin unity;  misunderstandings, miscommunications, misconceptions.  Not to mention the difficulties and challenges all married couples face as they go through life.  These will either make or break a relationship. These hard truths are capable of strengthening or destroying marriages.

And the sad fact is, much of those turn relationships sour, bitter and many a time, utter cold that lead to seperation. Choose to be in unity in the midst of trials.  This is our weapon.  Our husband or wife is not the enemy.  He or she should be our greatest ally.

Ariel and I may not agree on every issue at hand, but we agreed on resolving all conflicts!

We may not see eye to eye, but we can walk hand in hand.

2.   We can recover from losses in life, in time, if we are in the vine.

I have heard, read and encountered countless stories of marriages that resulted in divorce because of considerable loss:  loss of a loved one, loss of trust because of unfaithfulness, loss of something of value.  I attest, it is tough to lose someone you can never ever replace or something you can never recover!  It is devastating.  It is mind-altering.  It is awfully painful!

One night, at a party, after the death of our son, a friend asked me how I am doing.  I responded by saying,  “I don’t think I can recover from this loss.  The grief is overwhelming.  It is too painful.  It has seared my soul.  It has cut me to the core of my being.”  Then she said, “No, you will recover.”  At that time, I did not believe her. I thought, “You don’t know what you’re saying.  You don’t have any idea how much I’m hurting!”

They say time heals. No, Jesus only heals.  Time naturally, in its course, helps heal wounds.  But it is Jesus who makes us whole and complete and gives us the ability to run again.  It is not enough to heal, it is also important to get back on track.

We need to be always connected to the vine if we are to recover from any losses.  The daily outpouring of our deepest sorrow to Jesus is able to heal and transform us emotionally.  The daily expression of our trust and faith unto His loving arms, despite what happened, is able to grow us spiritually.  And only He is able to restore us completely.